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SUMMARY

Ever lie awake at 2 AM wondering if God’s even there? Or have questions you’re too scared to say out loud—even to yourself?

I’ve been there. Twice.

In this episode, I’m sharing the two seasons I almost walked away from my faith completely. One was intellectual—I couldn’t make the pieces fit anymore. The other was heartbreak so crushing I thought God was being cruel.

I’ll tell you what those years actually looked like, what kept me from walking away, and why wrestling with God doesn’t mean your faith is broken. 

Sometimes it means it’s finally getting honest.

If you’re in the dark right now—or you have been—this one’s for you. Stay with me.

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The Two Times I Almost Walked Away From My Faith

When the questions get loud, grace gets louder.

Host: Christy-Faith, author of Homeschool Rising and founder of Thrive Homeschool Community

Episode Summary

There are moments in life when your faith doesn’t just wobble—it feels like it’s cracking right down the middle. Seasons when God feels silent, distant, or even cruel. In this deeply personal episode, The Two Times I Almost Walked Away From My Faith, Christy-Faith shares the two points in her life when she nearly left Christianity entirely: once because her mind couldn’t make sense of what she believed, and once because her heart couldn’t survive the pain of infertility.

Through honest storytelling, she shows that questioning your faith doesn’t mean you’re losing it. It may mean your faith is changing, stretching, or finally growing roots. She explains why intellectual doubt and emotional grief shake us in different ways, what scripture teaches about lament, and why wrestling with God is often a sign of a deeper, not weaker, faith.

This episode offers comfort for anyone facing doubt, spiritual confusion, or heartbreak they can’t put into words. You’ll learn how to bring your real, messy self to God—and why trust often grows in the dark, not the light.

Key Takeaways

• Doubt isn’t proof your faith is failing. It may be proof it’s becoming your own.
• Intellectual questions and emotional despair hit differently, but both deserve attention and honesty.
• Scripture is full of lament, showing us God expects—and welcomes—our raw emotion.
• Wrestling with God is a sign you haven’t let go. Walking away is the opposite.
• Infertility, loss, and long seasons of silence can shake your faith, but they can also build a deeper trust than you had before.
• Acceptance isn’t quitting. It’s releasing control and trusting God in mystery, not certainty.

Why This Matters

So many women worry that questioning their faith means something is wrong with them. But faith isn’t the absence of struggle. Faith is the thing that keeps you reaching for God even when you don’t feel Him.

When we allow ourselves to lament, to wrestle, to ask the questions we’re scared to say out loud, something shifts. We begin moving from a borrowed faith to a tested one. Peace comes not from perfect answers but from the One who holds us through the confusion.

As Christy-Faith says:

“Wrestling with God isn’t the opposite of faith. It might be the deepest expression of it. You don’t wrestle with someone you’ve walked away from.”

You’re not broken. You’re not failing. You’re growing.

Practical First Steps

• Write down the questions you’ve been holding inside. Naming them brings clarity.
• Read a lament Psalm this week. Psalm 13 or Psalm 73 are powerful places to start.
• Talk to someone safe who won’t try to fix your faith but will listen with compassion.
• Create a moment of stillness each day. Sometimes healing comes when you stop striving.
• Choose one small act of trust today, even if you don’t feel it yet.

Resources Mentioned

• BJU Press Homeschool – Structure and flexibility with a biblical worldview
• CTC Math – Online K–12 math with adaptive lessons
• LearningRx – Cognitive skills training for ADHD, dyslexia, and more (use code HOME50)
• True North Academy – Accredited live and self-paced courses for grades 6–12
• Thrive Homeschool Community – Mentorship, guidance, and friendships that last
• Summit Healthcare – Healthcare Plans That Offer More and Cost 40-60% Less Than Traditional Insurance

Notable Quotes

“Questions don’t mean you’re losing your faith. They might mean that it’s growing roots.” – Christy-Faith

“God cannot be controlled, but can be trusted.” – Jerry Sitzer (quoted in this episode)

“Wrestling with God isn’t the opposite of faith. It might be the deepest expression of it. You don’t wrestle with someone you’ve walked away from.” – Christy-Faith

“And that was the turning point. Not getting pregnant, not getting what I finally wanted, not the positive test, but the decision to trust.” – Christy-Faith

📌 Share this episode with someone who feels alone in their doubt, grief, or spiritual questions.
💬 Have you walked through a season of wrestling? What helped you hold on? We’d love to hear your story.

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Episode 92: Behind the Screen: Part 1/6 – A Real Homeschool Day at My House (nobody’s winning awards)

🔗 https://christy-faith.com/podcast/behind-the-screen-part-1-6-a-real-homeschool-day-at-my-house-nobodys-winning-awards/

Episode 93: Church Hurts: The Cost of Staying Too Long in a Toxic Community // Behind the Screen (Part 2/6)

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Episode 94: Did I Misread the Bible on Parenting? My Journey Back Through Scripture // Behind the Screen (Part 3/6)

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