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SUMMARY

Christy-Faith engages in a heartfelt conversation with educational expert Colleen Kessler about the challenges and joys of homeschooling. They discuss the importance of empowering children to ask questions, the journey to homeschooling, and the significance of trusting parental instincts. The conversation also delves into understanding anxiety in children, the power of labels, and the concept of strength-based learning. 

TAKE-AWAYS

• Teaching kids to ask questions empowers lifelong learning.
• Labels can help children understand their challenges.
• The worst homeschooling day is better than the best day in school.

ABOUT TODAY’S GUEST

Colleen Kessler is an explorer, educator, and advocate for neurodivergent children. With a B.S. in elementary education and an M.Ed. in gifted studies, she is an international speaker, educational consultant, and founder of Raising Lifelong Learners and The Learner’s Lab. An author of over a dozen books on parenting and education, including Real-Life Science Mysteries, Raising Resilient Sons, and her new book The Homeschool Advantage (coming July 2024). Her community offers creative lessons and support for families and kids.

Find Colleen here: 

• https://raisinglifelonglearners.com/
• https://raisinglifelonglearners.com/lab/
• https://raisinglifelonglearners.com/podcast/
• https://www.instagram.com/colleenkessler/
• https://www.facebook.com/RaisingLifelongLearners/

SHOW SPONSORS

TRANSCRIPT

Colleen Kessler: If we teach our kids that they can't know everything, they can always ask questions and smart people ask questions, then we eliminate the pressure of making sure they know everything and we help empower them to continue learning throughout life because they know they can always do something else or pivot in some different way.

Christy-Faith: Welcome to the Christy-Faith Show where we share game changing ideas with intentional parents like you. I'm your host, Christy Faith, experienced educational adviser and homeschool enthusiast. Together, we'll explore ways to enrich and transform both your life and the lives of your children. As a homeschool mom who values a family together approach and leans towards the classical and Charlotte Mason styles, I often struggle to bring my educational vision to life with my kids' diverse ages and learning needs. With all our interests and super packed schedule, bridging that gap between the dreamy homeschool I want and reality, I gotta be honest, it's a challenge.

Now, yes, I know perfection isn't the goal. But if you're listening and you could use a little easing of your mental load in your day to day, I found a resource that has become the quiet hero of our routine, and it could be a really great option for you too. BJU Press Homeschool Curriculum. Now, many think that BJU Press Homeschool is solely an all in one option, and though it does excel in that role, did you know you can also opt for specific courses and tailor them to fit your family's needs just as I have? BGU Press Homeschool provides the perfect balance of structure and flexibility, and easily complements my family's mixed age, family together, on the couch learning style.

They are second to none in integrating a biblical worldview, stimulating critical thinking, and offering tons of hands on activities in the lessons. To find out how BJU Press Homeschool can come alongside you in your homeschooling goals too, visit bjupresshomeschool.com or click the link in the show notes.

Hello, everybody. Welcome to today's show. I have a very dear, dear friend visiting us today.

I begged her, Colleen, come on the show. I wanna talk about your new book. It is so amazing. And finally, we found a time. We are recording here on a Friday afternoon because we because we both have fantastic social lives.

Yeah. Exactly. Plans every Friday. No, we have plans with each other, dear friend. And finally, we are here together to share a cup of coffee, talk about educating kids.

And we are so in alignment. When we first met years ago, and maybe we should just start the show a little bit about our personal friendship because I think people would really appreciate hearing about that. When we first met, you were just so welcoming to me. I was a little bit of the new girl on the block, this crazy TikToker. And from the get go, you were just so warm and welcoming and our friendship just kind of butted from there.

And so listeners, I just want you to know that not only do we have an amazing guest and expert with over 25 years experience in education, in special education, gifted education, a bachelor's degree in elementary edu master's in what? Master's in what?

Colleen Kessler: The master's is in gifted studies with a with a special focus, and kind of minor, though they're not really minors. They're just extra classes when you're at the master's level in the social and emotional needs of neurodivergent kids.

Christy-Faith: Yes. And so we have an amazing resource here today. I have read your book twice now because I wanted to give it a second read to make sure that the listeners today got those beautiful nuggets that are going to enrich their homeschools. I feel like this book is just the ultimate deschooling, reframing book that is truly a gift. And we will get into a little bit of the book.

But first, Colleen, would you please give a little bit of background about who you are and how you ended up homeschooling?

Colleen Kessler: Yeah. Sure. Okay. So I'm Colleen Kessler. I'm the founder of Raising Lifelong Learners.

It's a blog, a podcast. We have a membership community online for outside the box families who homeschool. And I've been writing as a freelancer and an author forever, forever, like, for 20 years, really. So it's funny. So so my background, like Christy said, is education.

I taught in the classroom. I taught as a gifted specialist. I left teaching not to homeschool my kids. I left teaching to freelance write full time because I was already writing books for parents, for teachers, for kids. I was writing textbook chapters for publishers like Hart Harcourt Grace, Hooten Mifflin, National Geographic School Publishing.

And my ultimate goal at the time was to be home to get my kids off the bus, but work, you know, during the day because I needed to be able to work and just be that, like, work at home mom who was there for the kids with cookies at the end of a school day. And, things started unraveling pretty quickly. I have 4 children. And at the time, we had 3. My oldest is about 5 and a half years older than my next one.

And he was described by his preschool teacher as an extreme thinker. He pretty much never stopped questioning, talking, doing, and caused all sorts of mischief throughout his lifetime. And the preschool teacher was worried about him going into public school because he just talked and thought and did all the time. But my husband and I are both teachers, and we figured we could just get and he was just a normal kid to us. Right?

And so kindergarten was rocky. 1st grade was really rocky. And kind of, like I like to say kicking and screaming a little bit. Me, not my kid. We pulled him out in the middle of 1st grade because school is not working.

We were watching day by day, month by month, week by week, whatever. The love of learning just be extinguished from his eyes. He was asking fewer questions. He was complaining more. He had stomachaches.

The kind of catalyst came when he got off the bus on Tuesday of Thanksgiving week, and he was just in tears. His classroom had a, behavior system where they had to stay on green. It went to, like, green, yellow, and red, which you don't even need to get me you don't need to get me started on those things. But I can't go.

Christy-Faith: Can we get you started on the the light system for behavior? I'd love to, but keep going.

Colleen Kessler: Yes. I'll come okay. I'll come back

Christy-Faith: to it.

Colleen Kessler: But he he gets off the bus crying, and this was not a crier. And he said, if I can't have an all green week on a 2 day week, I'm never gonna get Tiger Cash, which was the currency of that classroom. And it was just heartbreaking because he had labeled himself a bad kid, and he wasn't. He was just a squirrelly kid who already had mastered a lot the stuff that was going on in 1st grade, but gifted programming didn't start till 3rd grade. So apparently, you weren't gifted until then.

So they didn't do any testing and and just all sorts of things. So I would like to say that that was the day that we pulled him out, but it wasn't. It wasn't until February because I needed to do some research. I needed to figure out what I was doing, but he was the one that initiated it. I was trying to find other schools to send him to, and he asked if he could homeschool like a family he saw in television.

And and so we tried it. We we tried it ultimately because there were no other options. The closest gifted school that we could send him to, which he was accepted to, was a 45 minute drive one way. And so I had, at the time, a preschooler and a nursing infant, and we live in Ohio where there are harsh winters. And so I could not imagine 2,

Christy-Faith: one and

Colleen Kessler: a half hour round trips with a toddler and a preschooler to get him to and from school. And so with that being our best other option, homeschooling just rose to the top. And, honestly, with him, we never looked back. But we committed to taking it kid by kid, year by year, and every single year for this is we're going into our 16th year of homeschooling this year. We have looked at it and thought about it, and it's the right option.

And now I'm I never thought, you know, a decade and a half ago that I would have been this huge advocate for homeschooling. I've always been a huge advocate for more personalized education and 1 on 1 education and strength based education, but the homeschooling piece was not in my on my radar even. And now I will tell anybody who asks that homeschooling is the best option for anybody, but especially kids who don't fit the box because they're just whether they're they're above the curve or below the curve or struggle in certain areas or both struggle and excel, their needs are not going to be met in in a traditional classroom. There's the schools just aren't set up for it.

Christy-Faith: Well and what would you say to the parent who is in the annual pediatric visit and the pediatrician is suspecting neurodivergency or ADHD or all types of things, and the pediatrician is saying your child needs to be in school because that is where your child will receive services. Could you speak to the heart on that? Because that is rough because we view professionals, doctors, speech therapists, occupational therapists, a lot of these people as authority figures in society and in life. Is there an empowering word that you can share with a mama listening today who maybe has experienced that and her heart is tugging her that she knows the school environment isn't right, but everyone around her is telling her that she's not equipped?

Colleen Kessler: Yeah. Yeah. That's so hard and it's such a common struggle. Right? Mhmm.

Because that's what the majority are gonna say. And the first thing I'll say is nobody knows your kid like you do. So you have to trust your gut. Here's the thing. These kids are your kids for a reason.

You know, depending on what your your philosophy is, what your your morality is, what your spiritual background is, I'm gonna tell you that god doesn't make mistakes, and you have the kid that you have because that kid is meant for you. And you are already set up for success with that child. You are already the best parent for that kid. You are already the best teacher for that kid. There is nothing that you're going to do that isn't going to be in your child's best interest.

So you've already succeeded from the get go. And now it just takes a little bit of tweaking. Right? You're already gonna be the person who looks for the best services, looks for the best opportunities, and goes to bat for your child more so than anybody else. I was a teacher in a school system that had a great gifted program, and my hands were tied.

There were certain students that I could not accommodate in the way I knew in my gut they needed to be accommodated for because we didn't have the funds or the district said they had to be with their classroom teacher for a certain amount of time or they just couldn't pass the test that was the identifier. But even though we knew as professionals that their IQ was much higher than was being reflected on the test because they just weren't good test takers or they had a comorbid issue like anxiety or sensory processing challenges. So sitting for the test was an exercise in frustration by itself. And so you know your kid, and you're going to do everything in your power to support your child better than anyone else ever could. So you can't not be successful.

And then on top of that, the the worst homeschooling day is still gonna be better than the best day as one of the masses in a public school system.

Christy-Faith: Before we continue, I wanna share with you a program that has been a game changer for our family. At our learning center, we instructed and helped kids through pretty much every program on the market. So we know firsthand just how important a solid math foundation is for our kids' futures. Finding the right homeschool math curriculum that didn't compromise academic excellence, but also didn't put me and my kids through the ringer was a challenge. Until one day, I found CTC math.

You guys, the rest was history. First off, it's a mastery based program, which means your child gets a full grasp of the material. It's also loaded with mixed reviews, ensuring your kids don't forget anything they've learned. The questions are adaptive too, which keeps students confident and progressing at their own pace. But the best part, all the teaching, grading, and testing, done for you.

With CTC math, there is no compromise on excellence. Your child gets a top notch education, and you just made your homeschool life easier. Visit CTC math to get your free trial today. Is your child struggling with attention, memory, reading, writing, or math? If you're experiencing this, you know how heart wrenching it is to watch them face these hurdles.

You've poured love, time, and attention into their education, yet the struggle persists, leaving you feeling stuck and desperately searching for answers. You guys, I want you to know about LearningRx, a proven program designed to help your child's cognitive skills, enabling them to think faster, learn more easily, and perform at their best. I'm talking getting real long term help here with things like ADHD and dyslexia. LearningRx is backed by 35 years of research, and their results are transformative. Use code home 50 for $50 off your cognitive skills assessment.

Go to learningrx.com or click the link in the show notes. Absolutely. I could not agree with you more. And in my experience in the classroom, I really struggled ethically with being a classroom teacher because with my classroom size, the diverse learning profiles just in my classroom knowing that I had to teach to the middle, that there were kids who were struggling and needed extra help, that and though I was giving up my mornings before school and lunches, that they just kept falling further and further behind. And then those other kiddos who just weren't challenged at all and then everything in between.

When I started working 1 on 1 with students, it was as if the heavens opened for me. And I just could not believe how effective that it was where I was For example, I was an English teacher so I taught kids how to write, like, you know, the 5 paragraph essay, and this is how you write a thesis statement and things like that. And it would take me weeks to teach a particular concept. And then I would work 1 on 1 with a kid and it took under an hour. And I'm like, this just took me 2 and a half weeks.

And I feel like that if I look back on my own history, that was a little bit of the spark because that was homeschooling. Was it not? It was it was that piece and you are such an advocate. You guys, when I tell you who we have on our show today, it is absolutely incredible. The very first talk years ago, Colleen, that I ever went to of yours was a talk on anxiety, which maybe I will skip ahead to the anxiety question that I have for you.

Will you speak a little bit to those of us who have kiddos with anxiety issues in their homeschools? But also, and I didn't prepare you this, prepare you for this. I'm gonna throw you a little bit of a curve ball. What about us mamas who have anxiety as well?

Colleen Kessler: Yeah. Okay. So I'm gonna backtrack for one second as I lead up into the answer to that that kind of 2 part question. I think that one of the most amazing things about homeschooling and also just about discovering who your kids are, what makes them tick, and, you know, what kinds of challenges they have and how you can help them is that we learn so much about ourselves. Right?

I was never diagnosed with anxiety until later when I started really diving into it with my children as they were diagnosed. And I've learned so much about myself as a person, as a a thinker, and as someone who struggles with ADHD and anxiety and is very, very smart and has a gifted IQ and other things through learning about my children who have all these neurodivergencies. And so when you start to really hone in on who your kids are and how you can best serve them, there's this little bit of self discovery that goes along hand in hand with that. And you're going to learn more about yourself and you're going to see, like, oh, well, she gets that for me. Or you're gonna feel like, wow.

I gave that to her. In both cases, I will say again, you're the perfect parent for your kid because you're discovering things about yourself that you're rediscovering things that maybe you struggled with when you were a kid. And now you know what that felt like and how to deal with it. So you are coming at helping your child from a more unique perspective and a more personal perspective. Right?

You can say, hey. I totally get this and mean it. And so it's not atypical to have a child who struggles with anxiety or something else and then you or your spouse also struggle in that way. So know that if you feel that way, you're not alone. Heartbreakingly, my anxiety talks are always my most full talks.

Yes. The one I was in years ago was standing room only. I think you were at the one that was, like, spilling out in the hall and we had to move a table to get more, like, room in there. It's just crazy. But it's so heartbreaking.

And I think since the pandemic, those rooms have just gotten even more full because our kids are struggling. Our kids have so much pressure put on them. But it's not just that they have anxiety, that they are feeling worried, you know, worried about their future or whatever. They're seeing stuff all over. There's only so much sheltering you can do with your children, even if you are a homeschooling parent.

I have 4 children. 1 is an adult child. He's 21. And then I have a 17, 15, and 11 year old currently. And we we sheltered them as much as we could, but as they start to get involved in things, they learn about, you know, different social media, and they are hearing about different things.

And there comes a point where you have to give them more access maybe than you are comfortable giving them because they're going to get it from a different source. So you wanna be able to have them accessing it while they're home with you so you can talk through things. And our society is is now built in a way that too much information for our brains to handle comes to us constantly. And so our just society and especially our young people are bombarded with all the bad things that could possibly happen, and they worry. And then you've got kids.

There's always been a population of kids, right, that are more prone to anxiety. True anxiety, a disorder where they just have this feeling of impending doom, like, possibly coming down on them at any time, or they have perfectionism where they're just terrified of making mistakes or failing the people that they love the most. I would say if you have a kiddo who struggles in any way, shape, or form with excessive stress, excessive worry, true anxiety disorder, some struggles like perfectionism, who is the best place for them? Because you're able to nurture them in a way that gives them the support and the confidence to grow and to tackle new problems, to tackle new challenges, knowing that they have that strong foundation to fall back on. Logan, my 15 year old now, has an alphabet soup of diagnosis.

She is the just the sweetest, absolutely, most sharing person.

Christy-Faith: She's just

Colleen Kessler: a doll. And but she struggled with anxiety. She struggled with sensory processing disorder, dyslexia, auditory processing disorder, and some other things. And I remember recently, she was interviewing for a position at the zoo. It's a zoo a teen volunteer program.

And she had to go in for an interview, and the the guy's assistant, the guy who's in charge of it, his assistant was not able to be there that day, and I loved this. He was not willing to bring teenage girls back to his office with him to interview them without his assistant, a female presence, or parents. So I got to go back there and sit in the back and, which just made me feel so much safer about the program right from the get go. But he asked her if there was anything else she was hoping to get out of the program. And this 15 year old girl said, yeah.

I struggle sometimes with social anxiety, but I love animals, and I love people who love animals. So I figured a program like this, where I could talk about animals to people I don't know, would give me some more support and help getting over my social anxiety. When we give our kids a strong foundation, they don't see their struggles as a a problem or a fault. They see it as something they need to keep accommodating for and self advocating, and and they do. This this wasn't something to be ashamed of.

It's just part of who she is. And so she sat there right in that interview and said, yeah. This is something I struggle with, and I think this program could help me get through it better.

Christy-Faith: That's incredible. And just that self awareness, a lot of people avoid labels. I find them empowering. I really do. I think people are worried about labels maybe in the school system where people will gossip about your kid or say this kid is that, this kid has that.

In the homeschooling context where it's really just about us basically uncovering the puzzle of our children's brains, I think that it's so helpful when we can have a name for something because chances are there's a lot of research on it to help overcome it. Whereas maybe a 100 years ago, you were just kind of maybe even crippled. I'm a historian. So when I study history, it's interesting knowing what I know now about psychology that I could say, I bet you that King was autistic. Or I bet you, you know, things like that, which is so great.

You basically led into my next question. I have not talked about this topic on my podcast yet and I am so excited to do so. And it's something that you just shout from the rooftops and you have for years. And this is strength based learning. You go in-depth about this in chapter 2.

I think there are some misnomers to strength based learning. I want you to address those. And then also, what is it and how can we implement this in our home schools? Hey.

Colleen Kessler: Great question. Can I say one more thing about the labels first and then go into that question? Because here's the thing. You said something really great in there about labels being empowering. Right?

But here's the the the flip side of that and the the problem with not labeling our kids and helping them understand what they're struggling with in, like, Logan's case, anxiety disorder and things like that. Our kids are smart. And if we're not telling them what the names are, what they're struggling with, they're giving themselves labels. They're labeling themselves stupid or wrong or bad or broken. And so labeling what our kids' struggles and needs are is empowering because it gives them a piece of understanding to the puzzle of their brain, and it eliminates their need to explain away what it is they're struggling with in a negative way.

Christy-Faith: Whether you're newer to homeschooling or you've been homeschooling over a decade, the fact is creating a streamlined successful homeschool is hard. The pressure is high, and the weight of responsibility often leads to self doubt, second guessing, and feeling completely overwhelmed with the excessive amounts of opinions and curricula options out there. We love our kids. And at the same time, the stakes are high. We don't wanna mess this up.

So how do we build a homeschool that our kids will thank us for when they're adults? And one that you have a 100% confidence in? The first step to pulling all of that off is joining Thrive homeschool community. Thrive homeschool community is where you learn the 8 step homeschool success framework to build an undeniably successful homeschool. Each year and each kid presents us with uncharted territory.

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You're making me cry. I'm getting emotional because I both my sister and I are victims of girls not being diagnosed with ADHD and the shame and the stories we told ourselves privately and the private struggle. My sister has multiple diagnoses, dyslexia, dyscalculia, ADHD, several things going on. My learning profile, on the other hand, is twice exceptional where I have giftedness with ADHD. The amount of shame I put myself through, Christy, you're so smart.

Why can't you pull it together? Yes. I can't tell you how many times I have told myself that through my growing up years, even through graduate school, why is this harder for me than other people? What's wrong with you? You're supposed to be smart.

You've been told you're smart your whole life. You're the daughter that doesn't have learning problems. The other daughter had the learning problems. And so, man, Colleen, that's just so so powerful. It also reminds me of it wasn't until my mid twenties that I explored some of these personality profiles.

You know, some people do the enneagram. I prefer the Myers Briggs where I discovered that I was an introvert. And what was interesting is, growing up, I never wanted big birthday parties. I would have anxiety on a weekend if I if there was going to be a sleepover or something. And it wasn't until my 20s when all was said and done that I realized how strong of an introvert I was.

And the permission that gave me to be me, that label of introvert unpack it made it made everything make sense. And it also gave me the tools to know it's not that I dislike people. It's not that I should shame myself for not wanting to be around people or have conversations. It's that this is what I need to refuel my bucket after I've been around people. And it's so funny because, of course, I'm a public figure.

I talk to people all day long and everyone I'm sure people listening to this podcast right now are gonna say, Christy's not an introvert. But you know me, Colleen, and, you can be you can do what I do and be an introvert. In fact, a lot of introverts follow this path because we love talking about ideas and we love 1 on 1 conversations too. And so that is just so powerful, at least just for me. Thank you for the therapy session.

Appreciate it as always. But anyway, so yes. Anything else on that before you dive into strength based learning?

Colleen Kessler: In a nutshell, strength based learning really is focusing on kids' strengths first. And I love this quote by Deepak Chopra. If a child is poor at math but good at tennis, most people would hire a math tutor. I would rather hire a tennis coach. And the the nuts and bolts of that quote are where, like, the idea behind strength based learning comes in.

Right? When we focus in on strengths, we empower our kids to tackle their weaknesses and do all the things that they need to do because they're feeling good about themselves more than they're not. And I'm a little aside. We'll come back to that part. But how many of you listeners, how many of us who you've interviewed, Christy, go into careers and jobs that are focused on the areas in which they are the weakest?

Nobody. Nobody decides, I am a horrible mathematician, so I am going to go be a physicist or a mathematical engineer for the rest of my life. Heck no. Those people who are terrible mathematicians are like, okay. What is the very last math class I ever have to take to check the box off of my requirements so I can go all in in the area I love?

And that's human nature. And when we allow our kids to really, really dive in in their areas of strength and interest, which are 2 different things, which I can talk about in a second, we empower them to do hard things because they're constantly riding on this level of success. A perfect example of that is the way that we have homeschooled my daughter. She's a senior this year. She'll be she's working right now on her applications and her prescreen videos to pursue a bachelor's of fine arts in musical theater.

And she wants a life of performance with also some training on how to be a good coach, a teacher of others as they're needing some coaching. And she just left the house as we're speaking to spend her Friday night volunteering as an assistant teacher in a preschool acting class. And so this is a girl who's a tremendous performer. She's an incredible singer. She's just a phenomenal actress.

And she's got an empathetic and giving heart. She understands people, which is why she can understand characterization. She's not super strong in math or science. So throughout her homeschooling, we have given her way more. We've spent way more money on private dance, private acting, private vocal lessons, acting master classes, intensives in the summer.

She spent a week at, a university just spending like 15 hours a day on the art of acapella. And the littlest amount of time we could to check off some diploma type boxes in science and math. Because as a BFA student, all of her writing and history and things like that are gonna they're gonna be centered around script study, and they're gonna be centered around the business of acting, acting and that kind of stuff. And the rest is gonna be performance based, which is where she's strong anyway. So we were able to still check off what she needed while spending the majority of our time and money resources in other things that we're gonna continue to empower her.

Then my other kid, one of my other kids who is more traditionally schooled because he's not too sure what he wants to do. He likes robotics. He likes math. So he spends a lot of time in those areas, but we're also giving him opportunities. He's tried hip hop classes.

He's tried horse classes. He's tried a bunch of different things. Because while we know his area of strength is mathematics and, like, science stuff, we don't know where his interests and his passions are quite yet. So we're giving him lots of other types of things to explore while allowing him to accelerate in the area of math. And I know you've talked about CTC.

I talk about CTC. We use CTC with him because he has access to all the grade levels at once. So he's already a year and a half ahead. He is entering 6th grade this school year, and he's midway through his 7th grade math already. And that's not because we want him to finish math early.

It's because that's an area of strength. And so when he gets another 100%, and he can print off another certificate, he feels super excited, And I can get him to do his handwriting a little bit better. And I can get him to write a paragraph because he's riding the high of being successful and gaming the system because he's getting a couple grade levels out of the way in 1 year. So strength based learning means identifying what your kids areas of strength are. That could be a specific academic area like Isaac, my mathematician.

It could be like a fine arts type area like Molly. It could be an empathy and people type strength, like Logan, who is a friend to every person she meets and an animal whisperer. But knowing who your kid is and where they're strong, so you can double down in those areas or bring in those strengths into the areas of weakness. So like Molly, her performance based strengths, we could bring some math and science in in a way that taps into those strengths, so she can learn the other things better. Like, she learned all her math facts and basic computational skills through music, through songs, through repetition in that way through videos.

When she had to do a life science class at one of our co ops that dealt with bugs and entomology, she ended up writing a script with her friends about the animals that they were studying so she didn't have to touch them. Again, same content, but tapping into her strengths to get her through an area of weakness and one that she's a little disinterested in. So focusing on the strengths, bringing in the interests, and helping them builds their confidence and their motivation to learn more because they're doing more of what they love.

Christy-Faith: Now that is flipping the script, girl, because that's not how we do education in the public and private school system. And I was a participant in this where if a kid was behind in any area, panic strikes and they hire all the tutors and they make these kids do tutoring and interventions all hours of the night. And I remember, man, over the year, when I look back, I need to make sure that I give myself grace because I didn't know what I know now. But and we helped a lot of kids, a lot of kids. And we were often the place where sometimes the only love that they would receive that day was when they walked through the doors of our center.

So I always remind myself of that when I when I remind also remind myself of why we left. So and why we sold our company. But I remember there were days where a kid was just struggling and I thought to myself, this kid just needs to be outside. Who cares? Like, there kinda gets to a point where it's like, man, let let's just this is not what this child needs because what we do is we we are so worried about being behind in any area and this is the the imprinting that our system does for us and we grew up in it ourselves so we really don't know how to think any other way unless we intentionally de school ourselves which is what we're doing now on this episode.

Mhmm. But we double down on weaknesses, which are often things that kids don't love and spend a lot of time and a lot of money on those things. So what you're saying is striking that balance. At the same time, I wanna make sure our listeners hear what you're not saying. You're not saying that if a child isn't reading to not get them help.

Can you just clarify that? Yeah. Yeah. I just wanna I don't want you I know what you mean and I wanna make sure no one misunderstands what you're saying. Hi there, podcast family.

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Colleen Kessler: Yeah. Absolutely. And like you said, our our system is set up in a way that's focused on deficits. Right? And we wanna focus on strengths.

So that's what what Christy was saying with, you know, flipping the script. Most schools are set up so that we are helping kids get better at the areas that they're they're bad at. Or, like Yes. Meet meet we're teaching to the middle. Right?

We want everybody to get to that middle ground. And so they're already past that middle ground. They're they're on their own. They're fine. If they're not, then we're gonna work on them and bring them up.

What I'm saying is if we double down on the areas like like that quote, if we're hiring a tennis coach and we're spending more and more time on tennis, then when our kids come to the math lesson so they can get to their tennis lesson, they're going to be more confident because they know they're gonna get the majority of their day spent on the other. I've got a kiddo with dyslexia, and I have another who struggled with math. And the one who struggled with math, she got to the the minimum she needed to get to in order to be competitive on college applications because she wants to go to college. The one who was not great at reading worked, and we took a better late than early approach for her and, you know, eased in and did lots of audiobooks and lots of read alouds while she followed along in the book so she can get the idea of words. And she watched a lot of videos with closed captioning.

We didn't hire a reading tutor. We just put words everywhere. And so she wasn't watching television without words coming across the screen. She was doing programs online that, you know, were game based, but could help her read as she went along with it. When she wanted to play Minecraft with her siblings, we'd connect on our Wi Fi and make them chat through the the typing chat feature.

And so we found other ways to incorporate the the the struggle in ways that she was already interested in, video games or watching shows or that one in particular with dyslexia and dysgraphia. She liked telling stories, and we would encourage her to write them down. And sometimes, whoops, we just weren't available when she wanted to dictate to us. So I bought an echo an Amazon echo dot, and she would ask Alexa to help her spell words. And so if she really wanted to get a story on paper, she'd do a combination between pictures and words, and Alexa would help her spell.

And so we taught them how to accommodate for the needs that they had while going all in on the strengths that they already possessed and the areas in which they had passions or interests. And that is what I'm saying. You want to give your kids the help that they need when they need it. There have been times where all 4 of my children, at one time or another, have been seeing a therapist for different challenges that they have. All of my kids have some kind of anxiety or challenges.

Some more exacerbated than others due to pandemic and being closed in. But others have needed it at different times. We've had, a kiddo who's gone to an occupational therapist who worked with her fine motor skills and some of her writing and some of her dysgraphia, as well as sensory processing challenges. So you get help when you need it, but you also remember that when you're getting help, you're not adding that on top of the other stuff. So when Logan, in particular, was going to her occupational therapist and she was working on fine motor skills and writing and reading, she wasn't coming home and doing a reading program.

She wasn't coming home and doing pages in her handwriting book. She was coming home and she was storytelling, and she was watching her videos, and she was playing outside, and she was doing her her math programs or raising tadpoles because she loved doing that stuff, and she'd already worked hard enough in the other areas. Mhmm. So we did more of the stuff she loved and more of the stuff in the areas of the strength. And then the work of the building up those deficits was the work of it.

We weren't piling on. Does that make sense?

Christy-Faith: And that leads into the next question that I wanted to ask you. I wanna have a conversation about the difference between confidence and self esteem. Yeah. Thanks for joining us for part 1. We hope you gained some valuable insights.

Be sure to catch part 2 where we're gonna continue this great conversation. With my heart. We run to where we belong. I told you, you are the one.