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SUMMARY

Children’s author Allison River joins Christy-Faith to discuss the doubts and challenges faced by homeschooling parents, the importance of a strong educational foundation, and the unique lifestyle that homeschooling offers. Allison aims to instill pride in being a homeschooler and to provide a positive perspective on education. The conversation emphasizes the need for community support and understanding in the evolving landscape of homeschooling.

TAKE-AWAYS

• Doubts are a natural part of the homeschooling journey.
• It’s important to have a personal vision for your family’s education.
• Homeschooling allows for a unique and personalized learning experience.

ABOUT TODAY’S GUEST

Quickly realizing traditional school wasn’t the right fit for her daughter, Allison Ryver and her family started their homeschool journey. Searching and finding there were no books that spoke to what the day-to-day life of a homeschooler is like, she researched and developed that message for her daughter. Flooded with support from her local network, Allison decided to share her homeschool message with the larger homeschooling community.

Find Allison here: 

• Website: https://allisonryver.com

SHOW SPONSORS

TRANSCRIPT

Allison Ryver: We're constantly comparing ourself to, a lot of times, that traditional school. The doubts are natural. They're going to be there. That doubt just pops in when it can kind of take hold if you let it.

Christy-Faith: Welcome to the Christy Faith Show, where we share game changing ideas with intentional parents like you. I'm your host, Christy Faith, experienced educational adviser and homeschool enthusiast. Together, we'll explore ways to enrich and transform both your life and the lives of your children. Is your child struggling with attention, memory, reading, writing, or math? If you're experiencing this, you know how heart wrenching it is to watch them face these hurdles.

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Hello, everybody. Welcome to the Christy Faith Show podcast. We have another great episode in store for you today. We have Alison River on the show today, children's author who wrote just the most precious book about homeschooling.

I'm excited to have her on the show today. Her story is quickly realizing that traditional school wasn't the right fit for her daughter, she and her family started their homeschooling journey, Searching and finding there were no books in the library that spoke to what the life of a homeschooler is like, she developed that message for her daughter herself. Flooded with support from her local network, Allison decided to share her homeschooling message with the larger homeschooling community. I am so glad to have you on the show today. You sent me your book and oh my goodness, I read it when it first came in the mail and then my daughters got a hold of it and they absolutely loved it as well.

I wanna ask you, Allison, tell us a bit more about your story. What got you here as a homeschool mom and author?

Allison Ryver: Yeah. Thank you so much, Christy. So I did not know right away that I was gonna be homeschooling my daughter. And it was one of those things that around 2, a lot of moms were asking me, I guess, maybe preschool age, you know, what's your plan? Everyone's getting on the wait list, and it was never on my radar.

It was one of those things where I was like, why would I stay with my kids at home all day and we're gonna, you know, rupture our relationship? We're just gonna be at each other. I'm not I'm not interested in that. And my plan always was to keep her home until 6. No preschool.

And then once she was kindergarten age, then I would utilize my degree and go off into the workforce. And that was kind of the plan. But when my daughter turned 4, I was having a conversation with someone and she was mentioning, you know, well, isn't she gonna start preschool and kind of was like, no. I tried to shoot down the conversation, but then it turned to socialization because she was an only child and so, you know, then that really triggered something inside of me. I was the youngest of 7 kids.

I learned so much from being a part of the big sibling group. And with her being an only child, it was definitely one of those things. It was like, oh my goodness. So it triggered me enough that it was a week before preschool started. I called the Waldorf School just because being a child development major, that was always something that kinda drew me in, is a greater emphasis emphasis in play and outdoor learning and just a, you know, more holistic view of education.

And so they didn't have any spots. I called the Montessori School. They did. And with less than a week before school starting, I enrolled her. But quickly, we realized it was not gonna work for a lot of reasons for all of us.

And, you know, one of the points in the conversation of, you know, is she gonna go to preschool was kind of like, well, you both need this. You know, you need some time before you're back in the workforce and just have some time for you. And, you know, your daughter needs this time with other kids her age. I did not have a good time. I was not feeling like I was giving all this time on my own and just really enjoying it.

Instead, I used that time and I started reading. I picked up Hold on to Your Kids by doctor Gordon Newfield and Gabor Mate, and it was exactly what I needed to hear because it was what I was feeling inside. I was just really struggling with her being away and for having this no contact with her for so long. It just was just really strange to me. So, you know, those messages of your kids not needing to peer orient with kids that are the same age that have that immature brain, that they need to have that strong foundation and that connection with their family was, you know, kind of the message.

And then I would filter it back to my husband, and I had followed a couple vloggers previously that kind of shared that they were homeschooling. I wasn't listening to them for homeschooling. I was listening because they were living in Hawaii, and I was more interested in that at the time. But now I realized that was really planting seeds. It was really kind of setting those little seeds that were growing.

I started following some more accounts and just really started seeing that it was possible and that I could educate her. I didn't need to a degree, and it's kind of crazy to say that now. It's like, well, yeah, of course. But at the time for me where I was, it was huge just realizing that it was possible. And so I, you know, spoke with my husband who kind of had that typical reaction of a lot of hesitation.

One of them being that socialization piece and homeschoolers that is out there. And we were kind of quickly able to debunk that. And I had cup a couple other interviews lined up with a couple other schools just because I was like, well, maybe it's just the school. Maybe, you know, still kind of not, in that confident space of us for education. And once we did those interviews, we both kinda realized traditional school wasn't gonna offer what our daughter needed.

And it was really a hard time for us in that time of preschool. It was a really big struggle for my daughter, for all of us, but it really highlighted that we did not have a vision for our family. We did not have an idea of kind of dreaming up as a family what we wanted, but also what we wanted for our daughter. And it's kind of crazy to think about that families aren't advised to kind of think about that, what they want for their kids and education. It's just go send them to school.

And so, yeah, we we realized, okay. This is what we want. We're gonna go ahead and homeschool. And we didn't really have any big plans because she was 4, and we kinda just went back to what I was already doing, which was kind of seasonally living and getting books that were about the seasons and, you know, doing a lot of reading aloud, a lot of playing. And so then that's kind of what we did.

And then she would turn at 5 and she was announcing to everyone, you know, here's my name. You know, I just turned 5. And everyone's responding with, well, you must be going to kindergarten. You know, what school are you going to? And she's looking at me like, well, what what is that even that?

You know, what do I say to that? And so it was in that moment really that I realized, okay, we need to own this thing. You know, we really need to be proud to be homeschoolers and, you know, I didn't really have any big messages for her at that time. It was just relating preschool and we're going back to, you know, but I called it homeschool, but I didn't really give any big explanation on it at that point. So I went to the library to kind of look for something to back us up, but, unfortunately, the library didn't have anything at the time.

And so, you know, I was just kind of thinking about going, well, if there was a message that I wanted to read to her, what would that what would that be? And so I started writing it and I just kind of thought this will just be our thing. You know, it's gonna be something that maybe I'll type out and I'll draw some pictures or something like that. But I had shared it with some other moms that were homeschooling as well, and they're like, you gotta put this out there. This is a this is a message that we all need to hear.

So that's kinda how it came about.

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Well and I am so glad that you had that those friendships that encouraged you to go ahead and publish this book because you're right, there isn't really anything on the market to explain to the little ones why they're homeschooling. I want to back up though because you mentioned one of my favorite books. It's in my top ten favorite books from the last 10 years of nonfiction and that is Hold on to Your Kids. I actually reference that book in my book because of this issue of peer orientation that Gabor Mate and Gore Neufeld actually call a disorder. And it's, I think it's going to be really encouraging for people to hear that your daughter is is a singleton and that homeschooling is a great choice.

And we actually need to ask ourselves and understand what peer orientation is. It's so normal in our society and adults are now peer oriented. It's nuts that we just assume and it becomes part of the socialization conversation about homeschooling when in actuality what is occurring nationwide, worldwide is actually disordered socialization. And I find it extremely fascinating. I also want to note something that I love what you said, that you missed being away from her.

And I want moms listening right now to hear you just not wanting to be away from your kids because you love them and you think they're cool and you want to be around them. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, that is how they were designed. You guys are designed to be. And when you study attachment, and also Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mateo into attachment theory, kids actually need attachment to their parents well into the teen years.

Yes, you heard it right, even when they are pushing away from you. Does the attachment look different? Are you smuggling, you know, your 13 year old boy? Maybe, but also maybe not. But it doesn't mean that you're not attached and that your child, your teenager, doesn't have that center and that compass where they feel like they are unconditionally loved by someone.

Unconditionally, so that they can go out into the world and navigate social situations in a healthy way where it doesn't turn their world upside down if they're rejected for wearing the wrong tennis shoe or something like that. So I think that's absolutely beautiful. The other thing I want to circle back to that you mentioned is, you asked yourselves, what is an education? And you're right. I agree with you.

So many people don't ask themselves this question before their kids go into preschool or kindergarten. And one thing that the first thing I do when someone enters Thrive Homeschool Community, which is my community, is I have them take my master class that's called Finding Your Why. Because it helps the parents and often women go through it and then they get their husbands and then they sit down and go through it together because they end that 45 minute master class with a sentence that they can memorize as to why they are homeschooling. But the very cool thing about that is when you actually ask yourself, What is an education? What do I want for my child?

And you put it to words, you realize the system, both public and private, will never provide that for your child. Will never. It's not it's not designed to do that. So that's extremely exciting. I want to ask you quickly, will you just explain to my audience what is your book about?

Because it's a children's book. What ages is it for? What is the book about? And anything else you want to share just about the basics of it?

Allison Ryver: Yeah so it's from 4 to 8 and it's for the ages and It's all about being proud to be a homeschooler. I Wanted there to be a message. That was the first thing that went into my daughter's ear about homeschooling. So she had this foundation as opposed to hearing something negative from someone in the community or extended family or something like that and then having to play, you know, damage control on that situation. You know, instead, I wanted her to have the strong foundation of who we are, being proud.

And then, you know, when she does hear that negative feedback, it's like, well, is that true or is that just what they think? You know, is that true for me? And so I I wanted to have that message out there and really to kind of explain to her and just anyone else how it is different, that you are learning every moment and just kind of explaining that it is a different lifestyle, that you're living together and just embracing creativity, embracing the adventure, and, yeah, the connection, the togetherness, all of that, the play. So that's really what the message I, you know, wanted to really inspire others with.

Christy-Faith: I want to read a passage from your book that that just touched me for a couple of reasons. It's in towards the middle of the book, you write, Every moment in the day, I'm learning. As a family, we learn and grow side by side. I don't have to be perfect or everything or every subject and along the way, I make mistakes and I learn from them. And I'm thinking, oh my goodness, this is for the growth mindset homeschool mamas to early ages instill that growth mindset in our kids.

And that is so jam packed. As a family, we are learning together. Every moment of the day, I'm learning. And you guys can't see the illustration right now but there's an illustration of being in the kitchen and measuring and baking and then at a farmer's market where there's probably money being exchanged, where you can count money and things like that. And I love this because at an early age, our kids can have this understanding that there are different ways to be educated and one way is not necessarily better than the other.

So, as you know, on a more high level, there are 9 different pedagogies for educating children. And I think this book does a really beautiful job of before our kids think, decide for themselves or their friends tell them what an education is, we're allowed to share with them, look, there's different ways to be educated. And I think that's beautiful. I'd love to hear what a homeschool day looks like for you and your family.

Allison Ryver: Kind of like what the book highlights, not every day is the same. And I would say that is very true for us, you know? I think there are certain things that we have kind of anchoring our day that we are always set in stone, nonnegotiable about wake up times, eatings, going to bed, that sort of thing. But in between, it's all kind of, I think, based kind of seasonally. I think for us, like, specifically winter, we can do, like, a bit more.

I feel like a bulk, especially of our curriculum that happens just because we're inside a bit more here in Ohio. And so while we go outside, obviously, it's just a bit more time inside. So we're doing, you know, math and reading probably about 4 days a week. We're also doing activities, but making time for, you know, library events or meeting up and and hiking still with friends or doing some activities, whether it's like a dance class or, you know, an instrument class, that sort of thing. But then, you know, we school year round, so we're also homeschooling in the summertime too.

But it just looks a little bit different because I would say we probably get to our curriculum more like 2 times a week. And then the rest of the time is, like, reading aloud and that sort of thing. But we're also like, we have a lot of lands. We have chickens, and we raise them to help, like, our tick control. And so we also sell the eggs, and so my daughter's helping me collect the eggs and helping me get them ready for orders and knowing putting the labels on everything and, you know, getting all the totals ready for everyone and that sort of thing.

So she's kind of, you know, getting a glimpse into that entrepreneurial life. But, you know, we always make time, I feel like, to slow down just because it's kind of that counterculture of constantly feeling like we need to do, you know, everything. So we do find time to just be bored. I feel successful when my daughter's like, I'm bored. So we make a lot of time for play, but you know, it's board games.

It's just going out and playing in the creek. It's it's all those things. But, yeah, come fall, then it's signing up for violin lessons, doing violin practice, and that's something that my daughter is particularly interested in. It's definitely her passion, and we're embracing that with her. And, yeah.

And she's also her big goal this year that she set for herself is to do American Heritage Girls. So she wants to go out and serve in the community and learn about leadership. So that's kind of, you know, one of her new goals for herself. The last year, it was gymnastics and dance, you know. So it's just all kind of based really on her interest.

And I think that's something that, especially for me, I can be so black and white. I can be it's gotta look this way, and I have to constantly remind myself that it is that, you know, we can kind of do that interest driven life, those passions, and really get into that and learn so much. And our kids can and get so much from diving into that. So, yeah, I would say just kind of varies, and that's kind of highlighted in the book too. So

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Well, yeah, that brings me to the next quote that I wanted to read, actually. And this is a really cute page here where you write, I have the freedom to figure out what I enjoy.

I get the chance to explore my talents and passions. I am important and how I feel matters. You literally take down the public school system in a children's book in those two pages. Right? In the system, how children feel doesn't matter.

They aren't important. They're part of a large group. They're not allowed to explore their passions. So for children to realize, wow, this is what I get. And it's really easy, I think, when we choose to homeschool for our kids to feel different, especially if you're not in a large community.

So, for example, on my street, we are very active on our street. Our kids play outside with the neighbor kids all the time. We are the only homeschoolers, I think, in our entire neighborhood. In fact, at the pool the other week, one mom said, Hey, are you the homeschool family? At our neighborhood pool.

She said that to my son. She said that to my son. So, but one thing I've always tried to do from the get go is to show them how cool our lifestyle is. And not in a way that's shaming the system because that's not a healthy thing either. It's not healthy to say, like, look what they're doing.

Right? Look at that prison. That's not really healthy because you don't want to create a judgmental mindset. But we do want to feel like our choices are special, that we are blessed to be able to choose this, to have the freedom to do this. And I'm the first one to say that, and even to my children, I say this in my book in the very first chapter, not everyone can homeschool.

And also, not everyone should homeschool. So, but this is a very cool way to explore that where, wow, maybe I am really blessed and lucky for this lifestyle rather than, why am I so different? I don't get to go to school. All the other kids get recess, you know. And in the back of our minds, we're like, your life is a recess, right?

But because the neighborhood kids, their favorite part of school is recess, our kids can think, why don't I get recess? You know, it's just a it's a reframing that I think is is really healthy. How do you address challenges or doubts that arise in your own personal homeschooling journey, both personally? And then how do you also address them in this book?

Allison Ryver: Yeah. I think that the doubts are natural. They're going to be there. You know, some of the biggest ones for me are always like, am I am I not sticking to enough of a strict schedule? You know, are we diving into this thing too much?

Oh, should we should really get to this, you know, curriculum or something like that? And we do. But that doubt just pops in, you know, and it can kind of take hold if you let it. Another one is just wondering, you know, certain things. Is this enough?

Am I doing enough of this versus that? And I think that, like I said, the doubt is so natural because I think we're constantly comparing ourselves to a lot of times that traditional school. And I feel like I'm constantly descooling myself and going, okay. And I think I've got it. I think I've got it under control, and then it shows back up.

I think as we grow and kind of mature in homeschooling, that question just kind of pops back up again to say, like, hey, is this still relevant? Or, hey, you know, are you still keeping this in check? You know, and a story that comes to mind for me is, like, with my daughter. Recently, when we're doing reading, I wanna do, like, half an hour of math every day, half an hour of reading, and just kind of, like, you know, have that done. But we were doing reading, and she was wanting to just she's like, well, I wanna do another lesson on reading.

And I'm like, okay. Well, we'll do 2 lessons. And she's like, I wanna do another lesson on reading. So we're, like, 3 lessons in, and she's like, I wanna do another one. I'm like, okay.

But that's and I'm, like, telling myself, like, but we need to get to math. You know? Like, I I wanted to, like, you know, get this done. It's just sometimes, especially for me in that, like, recovering perfectionist, black and white personality that I really have to keep myself in check on that. Because why can't we dive in?

If she's really wanting to get immersive into reading, that's amazing. That's incredible that she wants to do that. But I'm, like, having such a hard time and struggling with it because it needs to look a certain way, but, really, it doesn't. And I think that we have to remind ourselves of that. You know, I kind of address it in the book and just talking about, you know, you are enough, that you are equipped, that you can do it because these doubts do show up, and we need to remind ourselves that if we're willing to start this journey, we do have what it takes to keep going, and we can find whatever resource our children need, that we know them best, and we we can figure this out.

And so, yeah, I just I think that as long as we know that they're going to there going to be there and that we don't let them take over, that we can kind of I like to say I have a road map that I can put myself in check. I have, like, certain things that when I'm having a really a really, you know, hard moment. Okay. These are the things that I need to do, and I can go through those. But, you know, sometimes for me, it's like splashing cold water on my face.

I know that that's like, what? Why would you do that? But it actually works with the nervous system and kind of interrupts your thoughts. And so for me, like, when I'm, like, really struggling, that's, like, one of the top ones for me. And another one is finding the good in your kids because sometimes I think that that is something we can look at everything that's so wrong or what we're doing wrong or this isn't right or that when we go back and find the good in our kids and see how they're thriving, it's that reminder that, oh, yeah.

I don't have to teach them every fact. I need to give them this foundation, and I need to give them this ability that they can go out and find this information whenever they need it. You know, and finding the good in our self, that's probably the bigger struggle for me and probably a really good indicator that I probably need to take a little bit more care of myself, that I've been going a little bit harder in the schedule or that I haven't given myself a 5 minute break to drink a cup of tea and just take a deep breath. So when those thoughts kind of pop in, personally, that's kind of a moment where I say, I really need to check-in with myself and and care for myself, which I think is kinda key for us moms.

Christy-Faith: So If you're enjoying the show and you don't wanna miss out on future episodes, hit that like and subscribe button and show us some love with your comments. Those 5 star reviews really do make a difference. Oh, absolutely. We are so hard on ourselves. And that's one thing I think a lot of in my community, a lot of moms join who have opposition in their family regarding their choice and they're like, I'm just coming because I need someone to believe in me because I think I can do this, can I?

And we're like, yes, you can. But we are our worst critics and then it's even harder when there's people around us also criticizing us. And we ourselves, most of us probably grew up in the system where we have been imprinted with what an education should look like. And I, I've been doing this forever, Allison, and still, like, when we finish our school by 11, guess what I do? Guess what Christy Faith does when we finish our school early?

Oh, what should we do next? Was that too early? Oh, no. Should I do, was that lesson not robust enough? Should I put together an art project real quick?

And I've been doing this for years. It just never goes away. And part of it is, we have, we have this weight on our shoulders. We have decided to take reason why I just love this book because it helps reframe the mindset, not only growth mindset, but encouraging that there are other ways to educate. And we can have this great book for our little kiddos ages, what, 5 to 8?

I think you said earlier, where, wow, I'm not the only kid doing this. There there's so many kids doing this that someone even actually wrote a book on it because there's so many kids doing this lifestyle. And I think that's really special. What do you I want to ask you just as a final question. What is your hope for this book in terms of contributing to the overall homeschooling landscape?

Allison Ryver: Yeah, I think that so much has changed. I mean, there's so much evolution in the homeschool world. You know, we used to think that education happened and knowledge was in a building done by a certified person, and that's only where the learning can happen. And, you know, people are waking up and realizing it's just not true, and that there are so many options for curriculum. There are so many ways to educate, and I think that the seeds have been planted and they will continue to be planted.

There's so many people out there on the Internet social media sharing and I think you know just as we continue to plant seeds and grow that we continue to support one another and I hope that my book can be a part of that that can just kind of plant the seeds and help people in the community or grandparents aunts and uncles that are just wanting to understand the lifestyle the new lifestyle that maybe you know homeschoolers that are just starting that are coming in can really understand what what it's gonna look like and so yeah, I hope that we just continue to plant the seeds and continue to to thrive out there.

Christy-Faith: Yes. And grandparents out there, if your son, daughter, son-in-law, daughter-in-law are planning to homeschool their kids, this is a great gift to give them just to show your support. It really is a beautiful read. I think everyone who is homeschooling little kiddos in our country should be reading this book and have this book in their library. And my girls, for example, they're older, they're readers now.

I just saw them sitting on the chair in my room reading it and they loved it. And they said, who wrote this, mommy? And I said, oh, it's someone that I want to have on my podcast. And they really loved the book and they're more on the older end of your target. But the thing is, is yeah, you read this to your younger kids, but you have it in your library.

And then your older kids are going to pull it out when they see this colorful book. It's beautifully illustrated. Will you please share with us where we can find and buy your book?

Allison Ryver: Yeah. So it's at alisonriver.com is my website. I actually have a full read through on there, so you can look at all the pictures, all the words, and just see everything that's in the book. That's kind of like a big thing for me as a mom wanting to know, you know, everything that's inside of the book. And from there, you can connect with me on Instagram.

And I also am on TikTok and Facebook and everything like that. So, yeah, thank you so much.

Christy-Faith: Yes. We'll put everything in the show notes so you can just click right on it and get wherever you need to go. Allison, thank you so much for coming on the show today.

Allison Ryver: Thank you so much for having me and thank you for saying so many kind things about my book, Christy. I love it.

Christy-Faith: Oh, I love it. I love it. People have to get it.