Listen here:

SUMMARY

Christy-Faith continues the conversation with Peggy Ployhar, a homeschooling parent and advocate for special needs children. They discuss the challenges faced by special needs parents, the importance of self-care, and strategies for homeschooling children with special needs. Peggy shares her own experiences with health issues and how she prioritizes self-care. She also talks about her website, Better Homeschooling, and her podcast, Empowering Homeschool Conversations. Peggy offers resources and support for special needs homeschooling parents.

TAKE-AWAYS

• Special needs parents have a higher mortality rate due to the stress and anxiety they face.
  
• Self-care is crucial for special needs parents to maintain their well-being and be able to care for their children.
  
• Finding a supportive community of other special needs parents can provide respite and understanding.

ABOUT TODAY’S GUEST

Peggy Ployhar is the founder and CEO of SPED Homeschool, the main host of Empowering Homeschool Conversations, a popular live broadcast and podcast that addresses relevant issues related to homeschooling diverse learners, a breast cancer survivor, the owner of Eternal Aerial Arts, and an aerial arts instructor and performer. She and her husband Doug live in League City, TX and after 19 years of homeschooling have now graduated all three of their children from their home school.

Find Peggy here: 

• https://spedhomeschool.com/ 
• https://empoweredhomeschool.com/ 
• https://www.youtube.com/spedhomeschool 
• https://www.facebook.com/SPEDHomeschoolPage/ 
• https://www.instagram.com/spedhomeschool/

SHOW SPONSORS

TRANSCRIPT

Peggy Polyhar: Homeschoolers are not disadvantaged, and they legally can write their own IEP. A lot of parents think that they are at a disadvantage when they don't have services for their child. The problem is is most don't realize the services their children get. Guess what? You already got it when your home's home.

Christy-Faith: Welcome to the Christy Faith Show, where we share game changing ideas with intentional parents like you. I'm your host, Christy Faith, experienced educational adviser and homeschool enthusiast. Together, we'll explore ways to enrich and transform both your life and the lives of your children.

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Welcome to today's show of the Christy Faith Show. I am thrilled to have Peggy Ployer here with us today to talk about homeschooling our kiddos with special needs. Peggy Poyer is the founder and CEO of SpEd Homeschool, the main host of Empowering Homeschool Conversations, a popular live broadcast and podcast that addresses relevant issues related to homeschooling diverse learners.

A breast cancer survivor, the owner of e Eternal Aerial Arts, and an aerial arts instructor and performer. She and her husband, Doug, live in League City, Texas. And after 19 years of homeschooling, have now graduated all 3 of their children from their homeschool. Thank you so much for coming on today, Peggy. The first thing I wanted to ask you is what is your homeschooling story?

What led you to homeschooling? And I would love the answer to that before you tell us how you started, how you got interested in starting sped homeschool.

Peggy Polyhar: Yeah. It's it's an interesting story. So we lived in Oregon for a while and some people at our church, I think they just had a lot of compassion for our family. And they invited me to a homeschool conference when my kids were preschoolers. And I came home from that conference and said to my husband, those are not my people.

And I said, I will never do this. I was a physicist. I worked in medical device regulation and I loved being an engineer. I was going to go after I had my 2 boys, I was going to go and go back to work and send them to school because I was, I mean, I never even wanted to be a parent, let alone a homeschool parent. And and so we we ended up our boys got a little older.

I put the boys, my oldest in school, and he was in the principal's office every day. So I went, okay, what am I doing to mess this child up? You know, I all came back on me. I was pretty certain there was there was something I was doing bad about parenting and the principal had so much compassion. I mean, it was a private Christian school that my kids were going to.

And she said, I think he needs to be tested. Like, tested for what? I had no idea. You know, what special education, nothing. I had no no And I I prayed about it.

I thought about we thought about sending him to a public school. At that point, he was so depressed. I asked him what it felt like to be him. And he said, mom, it's like God is a bird and he's laid an egg and that's me. And a snake has come and swallowed me up.

And it just made me hurt. I was dealing with depression myself. I had been suicidal since 4th grade. I hit it very well. And my world just came crashing down.

And God just really called me at that time to homeschool my kids, even the mess that I was in. And they were in because that was his path for our family towards healing. And that that's a difficult place to start homeschooling, but it was the journey that in kind of the the bump that we needed to start that. So that's how I started homeschooling.

Christy-Faith: You know, that brings to mind something. I actually wonder if a lot of people whose kids struggle, maybe they are diagnosed with a complicated learning profile or would be. I wonder how many people are in a very similar situation to yours where your homeschool journey starts in a very dark place.

Peggy Polyhar: Yeah. In our community, it's it's more often than not, actually. And so when COVID hit, we were probably more ready for that insurgence than any other community was. Because I always said as a, special needs homeschooling consultant I worked for both MACHAY, Minnesota Association of Christian Home Educators and then the Texas Homeschool Coalition. I was always firefighting.

I was like the the rescue, you know, the the EMT that showed up at the scene when the parents were falling apart. And that was my job to start cleaning it up with them. So, yeah, when all that hit, I think most homeschool communities had no idea what to do. And I we were like, yep. That's pretty you know, it's what we do.

We just we clean up from here and we we help parents move forward.

Christy-Faith: How long since when you started homeschooling yourself did you start SPED homeschool?

Peggy Polyhar: SPED homeschool started in 2017. And, well, I've been homeschooling for quite a while, almost just like 17 years. But I started consulting for the Minnesota Association of Christian Home Educators about 3 years into my homeschooling journey. And I was really wary about taking that position, but they assured me they're like, well, you're 3 years ahead of where everybody else is. Yeah.

And so I kinda just learned as I went. And, you know, I didn't know a whole lot, but I've been learning since then, and I'm I'm still learning. And even though my kids have graduated, I continue to learn and continue to help people find the resources that they need. But, yeah, SpEd homeschool was a product of me being a consultant for 2 different state organizations and never having anywhere to send anybody. Because I felt like I was doing that firefighting.

I was helping parents, you know, let's let's get your child out of school. Let's get you, you know, figure out how to start unschooling. And now I'm sorry, I have nowhere to send you. So good luck and I hope you make it. And so as I was working for the Texas Homeschool Coalition, they realized this.

So when they had a budget cut, I had an assistant. I said, take my assistant, and they just released me to start to start SpEd Homeschool with a lot of resources I actually had created for the Texas Homeschool Coalition. And and knowing that my reach was way larger than Texas, which Texas is very large. But but yet now we reach people across the globe with our resources.

Christy-Faith: Well, I'm gonna ask you a question that I get a lot when I have a new homeschool mama who's maybe just joined Thrive Homeschool Community. She's recently pulled her child out of school or is about to. The main question is, what curriculum is best for blank? And then fill in the blank with the learning profile. Dyslexia, ASD, anything, OCD.

I would love to hear actually, let's just have, like, a mastermind right now because I wanna hear how you answer that and I wanna and I wanna see how tell you how I answer it. Maybe you can correct how I answer it because although I will say that I have been coaching parents whose kids have special needs for for over 20 years as well. I would love to hear your wisdom on this though, because as new homeschooling parents, we think it's all about finding the right curriculum, don't we?

Peggy Polyhar: Yeah. Yeah. This was the question that all my consultants always hated. Yes. To receive at conferences.

No. No. No. No. No.

Because we'd receive it all the time, and they'd all look at me with blank faces at first because they had no idea how to answer it. And I'm like Right. Well Yeah. What's your story?

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So the thing

Peggy Polyhar: is is children, even with the same diagnosis, are different. And so you homeschool based on the child. You know, you have to study the child. And you as a parent also have to know yourself. I actually did an experiment being the physicist that I am.

This story because it helps people to understand just the process you have to go through to understand what what curriculum you need to use. And so when I first started homeschooling, there weren't a whole lot of methodologies. I mean, Charlotte Mason didn't exist. Their their unschooling wasn't even talked about. Road schooling and you know?

No. So so I knew there was a textbook method. I knew there was the literature based method, and I knew there was a unit study method. So I figured, okay. I'm gonna do an experiment.

We're gonna try these three methods and see what fits best for our family. I kept the the era of what we were studying or the topic the same. So, of course, that was one less variable, the scientist that I am.

Christy-Faith: Yeah.

Peggy Polyhar: And and I just said, okay, we're gonna study seafaring, 1400, you know, pirates, all all that. And so, we first all that. And so we first started with the textbook method, and I had some coloring pages for my kids. And I just about had a mutiny, and I said, oh, no. This is not gonna work.

And so that that lasted very shortly. That one day wasn't even a full day. And so then I thought, okay, literature based, there's so much I I love, you know, Sunlight was the big literature based company back then. And I just, you know, could dream of snuggling up with my boys on the couch, but they were jumping on the couch. And I was like, okay.

This is not working either. We'll try the unit study. And so I got a book from the library on how to tie knots, you know, the nautical, all that stuff, got them 20 feet of rope, and they loved it. They, I said, okay, we're studying pirates. So if you tie the right knot, you can

Christy-Faith: tie me up. And they're like, Yes!

Peggy Polyhar: So, I didn't realize that the very boring engineer that I was that I could be so much fun. And so we discovered a lot about ourselves just through that process and never looked back. I actually did unit studies all the way through high school for my oldest because he was a very much a hands on building type of learner. And, and I ended up teaching him mechanical engineering before he could learn to read because he didn't learn to read till he was 12, but yet now he's a biomedical engineer. And so that never really surprised me in the process.

And then I think if we just take that step back and we go, well, what what fits our family? What what are my kids interested in? You know, all of those things. You you have to go through this process of discovery and self discovery of you, of your children. You may come out completely different than you thought.

This mold that you were trying to stuff everybody into instead of this beautiful thing that is waiting to be unpacked. So that's my long answer to what curriculum you need to use. Well, I love it.

Christy-Faith: And you know, it's

Christy-Faith: so funny because my answer does vary, you know, where there's an element of me that wants to problem solve. And I'm like, okay. Well, it's actually probably the most flexible one because you you don't wanna be so stuck that you have to actually throw it in the trash, you know? And then but ultimately, at the end of the day, it's exactly what you said. It's it's not the curriculum itself.

It's who you are and who your child is and putting curriculum in its in its proper place. And what's nice is I do believe a lot of the curriculum companies out there also agree with this. You see in there, you know, especially the good homeschool ones, you know, that are written for homeschoolers, not written for, like, charter schools that are trying to sell to us, but, like, the ones that are truly written for homeschoolers. Usually, at the beginning, they say, like, this is about you and your family. Adapt this, and then they usually give options for making, you know, hands on and and things like that.

That's beautiful. Peggy, you know what I think is gonna really encourage some mamas listening to this today? I want you to explain where you were because I did not know this. I did not know that your son did not learn to read till he was 12. Where were you when he was alive?

Peggy Polyhar: Yeah.

Christy-Faith: And and what encouragement can you give a mama right now who is in a very similar place, probably scared out of her wits end for this child, worried they're not going to be able to get a job, worried they will never get into a college. Where were you when he was 11? And then what wisdom looking back can you give us now?

Peggy Polyhar: Yeah. I always say this this one was covered by grace. I when I first started homeschooling my kids, I had no idea what phonics was, you know? And so teaching reading was, like, scary. Huge scary.

I mean, I have a degree in physics. I I avoided English and writing and everything that I possibly could in that realm. And here I'm supposed to teach it. And so what I ended up doing because I lived in a state that required testing every month or every year, and so I knew I knew that he wasn't reading. You know?

I the test showed it every year. So I just kept plugging along,

Christy-Faith: but I didn't I I thought

Peggy Polyhar: in my mind, what is my big goal here? Is my big goal that he will be on grade level, that he'll be reading that grade level and read and he love reading and love literature. That I had to focus on. You have to focus on these bigger goals because if you get stuck in the day to day of we gotta finish this assignment, this is our goal. That is it spirals you out of control.

It actually will make you depressed. And so I kept it as the bigger goal and I thought, okay, well, how am I going to achieve this goal if my child's not reading? Well, we're gonna work on the workbook for 5 minutes a day because that is all he can handle. We're gonna do some things that are a little more out of the box as when it comes to that. Maybe more hands on, you know, has some manipulatives, allows him to move things around because that's the way he is.

I'm gonna get him audiobooks, and I'm gonna make sure that he gets audiobooks that he wants to listen to and that has good language and literature and speech in it so that he is learning vocabulary and sentence structure, and then we're gonna tell stories. As family, we loved hiking, so we were always telling stories. And it was always one person fix three things, the other person has to make the story up. So I was teaching him all these components of language, arts, and literature, and I never really even knew it. And all of these things and it's amazing how the brain works because at age 11, he tested as a non reader.

I I had records for that. At age 12, he tested reading at college level. What? Yes. Because all of the things for his brain just needed to be in place.

And he even asked me, Mom, I want The Iliad and The Odyssey, the non abridged. And that's what he read. Yes. So it just it just takes time sometimes. And I, you know, that may not be your story.

Your your child may be on the slow progression for a long for a long time. But you can't lose sight of that ultimate goal by getting stuck in all these tiny little things that are going on that maybe aren't going the way that you want them to.

Christy-Faith: I think one of the pieces I see it as a grace and a gift. I always try to look at our struggles and try to find what gifts we are given, and we are wired to learn the most during our hardship. At least that's what I believe. I think that one thing about homeschooling children who have special needs is I feel like moms need to learn very quickly to tame the comparison beast. And I think that one of the gifts, one of the graces for having a kid who is just differently wired, maybe a struggling learner, not reading yet, is I feel like we often learn that lesson sooner.

But all homeschool moms need to learn that lesson. Would you speak a little bit about your journey with comparison? I think it's really tough when we go on Instagram. And I will be the first to say, you know, I am on Instagram. And and interestingly, I just finished editing a vlog post when I I took my kids out bird watching.

And and as I was I added the music and I added my voice over. I was thinking, am I lying? Because, you know, we were, you know, there were little fights in the car on the way. Yeah. I'm hungry, I'm cold, I'm this.

And that's not shown on Instagram. I do want I'm very careful to make sure my content is real. At the same time, I would never wanna be a person that makes homeschooling out to be this perfect thing that that women see and they think to themselves, that would never be me. Right? How can you help us today with that comparison?

Peggy Polyhar: Yeah. Yeah. Thankfully, I didn't have Instagram back when I was homeschooling my kids. I'm that old. Yes.

But the place I had the hardest time was at homeschool conferences because I would look when I would come into a conference, I would look at, oh, get your child into college by age, you know, 7. You know?

Christy-Faith: That's kind of what it it looked like in my brain, and I'm going, are they even gonna graduate? You know?

Peggy Polyhar: You know? You know And I'm going, are they even gonna graduate? You know, and so I just wouldn't go to the talks because it would just be too much for me. I would avoid a community, which was not good. And so over time, though, in the different roles I had, started making, you know, connections and friends and realizing, you know, my story isn't different.

I we had we created a homeschool pod before a pod was a pod. Yeah. Because my kids got kicked out of co ops. They you know, there was there was so much that was hitting us hard about you. You don't fit.

You're not right. Your family doesn't belong here. And so it wasn't even that I had to go out and look for it. It was, like, bombarding me every time I went to look for help. And so I just found I had to to keep that close knit group of friends would a lot would speak truth into my life, that they would share their hardships and be in a real place with me.

And when you have that community that can be real with you, you have to find it. I just remember I didn't have it at first and I was praying. I'm like, I and I would go to, like, park dates at homeschool get togethers, and I would be seeking out moms. You know, like, who is who are my people? I need people.

From Oregon to Minnesota to Southern Minnesota, then to Texas. And I

Christy-Faith: always had to do that. But I didn't

Peggy Polyhar: give up in in searching for the support that I needed because that was more important than anything else. It allowed me to see the truth in other people's lives that would be open. And it allowed me to say, you know what? That isn't all the truth that I'm seeing elsewhere. And to to just really realize that my life was a gift.

My kids were a gift. And in that we had we had something beautiful. And and that's sometimes hard to see when it's different than I guess we picture conferences and now on social media. And but but yet, you know, the product afterwards, I look at that and I wouldn't have changed anything. I probably would have changed maybe some of the things I taught just because I didn't know.

But by God's grace, I I didn't know. And I'm just gonna leave it at that instead of beating myself up about it.

Christy-Faith: Yes. Because we could do that all day long. The show will resume in just a minute. But, first, I wanna share with you an incredible resource that is totally free to homeschooling families everywhere. Have you ever felt like you were on trial for your homeschooling choice when visiting a doctor or another service provider?

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We're eager to connect homeschooling families with you, shout your name from the rooftops, and bring you tons and tons of business. We have plans for every type of business, both small, local, nationwide, and worldwide. Check out christy-faiths-list.com today. Hi, mama. If you like my social media content and my show, I'm pretty sure you will love my book, Homeschool Rising, Shattering Myths, Finding Courage, and Opting Out of the School System.

My book is for homeschool parents, both veteran and new, and the perfect book to hand any homeschool skeptics in your life so they can better understand why you've chosen this amazing lifestyle. This book will challenge you, empower you, encourage you, and give you solid, mindful answers to all those questions you get about your homeschooling choice. Grab your copy and maybe an extra one for your mother-in-law today. Homeschool Rising is available wherever books are sold. I also think especially when you were homeschooling, there was less of an understanding about special needs.

So I think I've shared with you in the past and I also with my audience that my sister has profound learning disabilities. Comorbidities still to this day struggle. One thing that she has observed at some co ops is a little bit of judgmentalism at some co ops and maybe it it goes along the lines of certain styles of what parents want out of their homeschooling, where if you have a kiddo that is outside of the box or maybe has some dysregulation and things like that, if you are in a co op where you feel judged or in a community where you feel judged for that and not seen for the mom that you are trying to be, I encourage you to reevaluate. And I love what you said, Peggy. Don't stop.

We have to kiss a lot of frogs before we can find our friends, our before we can find our people. And there are people out there who absolutely get it. So something that's really interesting is I had a friend who had to contact the church before VBS because her son has PANDAS. Oh, yes. And, I'm gonna do an episode soon on it.

I'm so excited. I think this is one of the things that is so misdiagnosed and underdiagnosed. And unfortunately, a lot of these kids are given hardcore medications when with a different diagnosis, which is just so sad. So I'm hoping to raise awareness regarding that. I'm sure you've probably already done stuff on that with your podcast.

But what was so fascinating, and I want this to encourage everybody listening, is when she called the director at the church, the director said, My son has PANDAS. Wow. They would have never known. They would have never known. And so being willing to be a little bit vulnerable, I think, is worth it and keep trying and just let them judge you.

Just, you know, I used to say it. Maybe this is a little uncouth, but I used to say, just let people suck. Just let them be judgy. They're miserable, and you just keep going. You keep going and you keep fighting.

Because I agree with you, Peggy. I think finding that community and those people where we belong, I think, is really important, especially when you are choosing a homeschool journey that is more difficult because I do think it is. We we all have our problems, but when you are taking on the responsibility of homeschooling a child with special needs, and if you have one, you probably have more than 1 Right. Because we do know now, studies show a lot of this stuff is genetic. Just the acknowledgment that you are putting a lot on your own shoulders.

So to find those other people who can support you and see you for who you are in those efforts and not judge your kid either. Right? Right. Because that can happen too.

Peggy Polyhar: Yes.

Christy-Faith: What I wanna ask you, what are some common common challenges parents face when homeschooling diverse learners? We've talked about a lot already, but are there any more that you wanted to touch on?

Peggy Polyhar: Right. Well, so a lot of times, it is you know, they they start out fresh. And first of all, they have to combat the lie that the public school has the answers. That is the biggest one.

Christy-Faith: Wait. Can we stop? Wait. Wait. Can I stop you?

Can you do a deep dive right there? If you're enjoying the show and you don't wanna miss out on future episodes, hit that like and subscribe button and show us some love with your comments. Those 5 star reviews really do make a difference. Yes. I still wanna go there.

Peggy Polyhar: Okay. So we are told that the public school is the expert on special education and that your child needs an IEP. And there was actually a dissertation written by a woman a while back who said that homeschoolers were at a disadvantage because they didn't have IEPs. And this is actually the same time her dissertation came out was when I was brought on board with the Texas Homeschool Coalition. And so my first job to do when I came in was to write a rebuttal about on her dissertation.

And so I wrote a 3 part rebuttal, and it's still on the Texas Homeschool Coalition's website about why homeschoolers are not disadvantaged and why they legally can write their own IEP. The reality is the individuals with disability in education act, the way it set up an IEP and this wasn't true when it was when the law was first written before it became the IDA. But over time, parents became a crucial part of that IEP meeting and for an IEP to be approved. So, realistically, a parent can write their own individual education plan. It just is your home school IEP.

It doesn't hold the public school accountable. Anyways, back to the public school. But a lot of parents think that they are at a disadvantage when they don't have services for their child. The problem is is most don't realize the services their children get extra time. Guess what?

You already got it when you homeschool. They are one on one instruction. Guess what? You got it when you homeschool. Some of it is working with a therapist, but public school therapy is not the same as private therapy.

Public school therapy, the goal of that is to bring a child up to a level playing field with the peers in their grade. So gets up to that reading level, they stop therapy and the child has to dip below before they can get therapy again, to get help to be get back up to that level. The funniest story that I've ever heard was a homeschool parent was using OT for her son at the public school. And and she said they they discontinued his services. So they had been going through this IEP process as a homeschool fan, which you can.

10% of the funds from the IDEA are actually allocated to private and homeschool students. So you can request services. What you're gonna get is always a mixed bag. But

Christy-Faith: but,

Peggy Polyhar: and I was like, well, what else do you do that's physically active that he enjoys? And and she's like, well, he goes to Taekwondo and he loves that. And I said, that's your physical therapy, your occupational therapy. Forget about school. But what a lot of people don't understand is the the special education system was set up by a series of laws and mandates.

It had nothing to do with about being the best situation for students with learning disabilities. It was like, okay. We're forced now to teach these kids. How do we teach them and then show that we're being we're on point with the teaching? That is what special education is.

It has no regard for the actual child. It has a regard for the system.

Christy-Faith: And the amount of failure a child must experience and endure before getting even tested in the system, already the emotional damage, and I'm using that word on purpose, the emotional damage that has taken place is a problem for me, a major, major problem. It's a system that is it's like they it has to be so bad to get the help, and then the help that they do get is hardly anything. We have a a sweet gal in Thrive Homeschool Community. She was a special education teacher in the classrooms, and she is always in the forums saying to the mamas, look, this is what it would look like. It this is what the therapies would look like if your child was in the system, and it is it's what we it's what a lot of us know who have been in the classroom and in the schools.

But parents who were not who are not or were not professional teachers, I think we think it's a lot better than what actually is taking place, right? When you're doing group speech therapy and you're first off, they're not even meeting the minimum legal requirements. So say a kid needs speech therapy twice a week. At the end of the year, when they do the IEP eval, they're like, well, we didn't have the staffing, so we didn't do twice a week. And everyone just shrugs their shoulders.

And but you got to remember, even that speech therapy is done in a group setting often. What attention is your child actually getting? And each of those children sitting at the table have a different issue going on. Exactly.

Peggy Polyhar: Right.

Christy-Faith: That often is way deeper than just speech. Right? You are a breast cancer survivor. Yes. And I didn't know that until you were about to come on the show.

How has that experience impacted your perspective on homeschooling and health and wellness and, in the context of homeschooling too.

Peggy Polyhar: Yeah. So I was diagnosed with cancer the month that COVID shut everything down. And that's, of course, when my organization needed the most attention.

Christy-Faith: Oh, boy.

Christy-Faith: Thanks for joining us for part 1. We hope you gained some valuable insights. Be sure to catch part 2 where we're gonna continue this great conversation.